Vanessa Van Edwards on Hacking Charisma with Warmth, Competence and Body Language

High-Level Overview

Mel Robbins sits down with Vanessa Van Edwards, a self-described "recovering awkward person," behavioral investigator, founder of the research group Science of People and author of Captivate and Cues, to break down the "it factor" that people like Oprah, The Rock, Taylor Swift and the Dalai Lama seem to have. Vanessa's central claim is that this quality is charisma, and that charisma is not an inborn trait tied to extroversion, looks or intelligence. It comes from two kinds of social signals, warmth and competence, which anyone can learn to send on purpose.

The episode is energetic and highly practical, which Mel opens by declaring "Class is in session." Mel reacts with enthusiasm, repeatedly stopping to underline key points, while Vanessa demonstrates cues live, from hiding her hands to changing her vocal pitch. The conversation moves from the research behind charisma, to self-diagnosis, to a checklist of tactics for video calls, interviews, salary negotiations and email.

The Discussion Explores:

• Charisma defined as a balance of warmth and competence signals
• Why smart people often "under signal" and aren't believed
• How awkwardness shows up differently in introverts and extroverts
• The four types: balanced, high competence, high warmth and under-signaling
• A free diagnostic and a "360 review" to find your blind spots
• The first 10 seconds of a video call: hands, distance and no uptalk
• Speaking on the out breath, real versus fake smiles, and warmth cues
• Fronting, the direction of your toes, and writing warm and competent emails

Deep Dive into Main Ideas

What Charisma Actually Is

Vanessa says she spent years believing that to be charismatic you had to be extroverted, bubbly and the life of the party, and since she wasn't, she assumed charisma wasn't for her. The research says otherwise: charisma "has nothing to do with your extroversion, your attractiveness, your athleticism, even your intelligence." Highly charismatic people constantly signal high warmth (trust, likability, friendliness) balanced with high competence (capability, power, effectiveness). The result is that people can quickly answer two questions about you: can I trust you, and can I rely on you?

Mel opens with a striking figure from the research: 82% of people's impression of you is based on whether you display charisma. Vanessa explains that people use warmth and competence signals to make up 82% of their judgment of you, and not just in person, but on LinkedIn, Zoom, the phone, Slack, DMs and email. And it isn't only your first impression; people re-evaluate you in every interaction. "I believe that your warmth and competence tells the world how they should treat you," she says.

The Problem of Under-Signaling

Vanessa cites research from Princeton by Dr. Fiske showing that under-signaling, not sending enough of these cues, is a real problem, especially for very smart, high-achieving people who assume their intelligence will speak for them. Without enough warmth, the research found, people don't believe your competence. "The problem of smart people is they think their smarts work for them," Vanessa says, but if they're not using the right signals, the world can't believe them.

She describes charisma as a social lubricant. Without it, interactions feel "crunchy": awkward silences, talking too much or too little, nervous laughter, not knowing what to do with your hands. Awkwardness, she explains, is a way of covering fear. For introverts and overthinkers like her, it often looks like shutting down. For extroverts, it can look like showing off, oversharing or not being able to stop talking.

The Four Charisma Types

Vanessa lays out four segments. The rare sweet spot is people who are high in both warmth and competence; her example is Oprah, who makes guests comfortable enough to share their darkest secrets, cries with them and mirrors their expressions, yet is clearly smart and can't be fooled. For quiet charisma she points to Jackie Kennedy, an introvert who learned to harness a quiet power without being loud.

The high-competence type is exemplified by Steve Jobs, whom she describes as having "Zero warmth": brilliant, but seen as cold and not a collaborator. Signs you're in this bucket include people assuming you're in charge, calling you intimidating, or you fact-checking others on Google. These people want to get it right, tend to be fixers, and are often uncomfortable with emotions because emotions can't be fact-checked. The high-warmth type is empathetic and nurturing but wants to be liked and gives too much of themselves. Vanessa's summary, which Mel asks everyone to hear, is that for warm people, the desire to be liked gets in the way of the need to be respected, while for competent people, "your need to be right is getting in the way of your need to be liked." Mel adds that everyone is unintentionally sending signals right now, whether from anxiety, insecurity or a need to be right.

Diagnose Your Blind Spot

To find out where you fall, Vanessa suggests first reflecting on which description sounds like you, then taking the free charisma diagnostic at Science of People. She asks listeners to answer as their real self on a normal day, not their ideal self, and to screenshot the results. Then comes the key step, a "360 review": send the quiz to a partner, friend or colleague and ask them to take it as you. Comparing results reveals the gap between how you think you come across and how others see you. Vanessa confirms that most people have a blind spot here.

The First 10 Seconds of a Video Call

Vanessa says the first 10 seconds on camera set you up for the rest of the meeting. First, show your hands. Eye-tracking studies found that one of the first places the brain looks when gauging warmth is someone's hands, a survival mechanism from when we needed to know whether a stranger was holding a rock or a spear. When hands are hidden, she says, the amygdala starts to activate and people wonder about your intentions. A simple wave as you say hello deactivates that fear response, whether on Zoom, on stage or on a date.

Second, mind your distance. Humans are aware of proxemic zones: public, social, personal and intimate. Being very close to the camera signals intimacy, which can work for personal content, but for a normal call she recommends keeping your face at least a foot and a half from the camera, which also leaves room for hand gestures.

Third, avoid the question inflection, or uptalk, especially on your name or key information. Vanessa describes a study in which doctors recorded 10-second introductions that were then garbled so only tone, pace and volume could be heard. Listeners rated them on warmth and competence, and the doctors with the lowest ratings had the highest rate of malpractice lawsuits. The biggest pattern among the low-rated doctors was uptalk. When we hear a statement phrased as a question, she says, our brains shift "from listening to scrutinizing." In a salary negotiation, ending your number with uptalk invites people to negotiate: "When you ask your price, you are begging people to negotiate with you."

Fixing Uptalk: Speak on the Out Breath

Vanessa calls uptalk "permission seeking" behavior, a way of asking "do you like me?" that has the opposite effect. She says women do it more often, because they're often taught from a young age to be liked, while men are more often taught to be right. She encourages everyone to listen back to their own voice memos and re-record any that use uptalk.

The fix is breath. There are three inflections: rising, neutral and a commanding downward inflection. When nervous, people inhale and speak from the top of their breath, which pushes the voice high, and her lab found vocal tone was highest in the first 10 seconds of important calls. She walks Mel through saying "hello" at the top of the breath, then again on the out breath with a downward inflection, so listeners can hear how much more relaxed and confident the second version sounds.

Real Smiles and Other Warmth Cues

A big mistake, especially for introverts, is fake smiling. Vanessa says she doesn't believe in toxic positivity and considers "smile more" bad advice; she prefers smiling purposefully. She cites research by Dr. Barbara Wild showing that people who saw genuine smiles caught the happiness and felt happier, while fake smiles produced nothing. For LinkedIn and dating photos, she says to go neutral or smile all the way up into your eyes, never a fake smile.

Fortunately there are other warmth cues. A slow triple nod is one; research found that when a listener does it, the other person speaks 67% longer, like a nonverbal "tell me more." A slight head tilt, which naturally exposes the ear, signals that you're really listening and makes people seem warmer in profile photos. Vocalizations like "mm" and "oh show you're listening and are a way for introverts to be heard without being loud. Vanessa frames warmth cues as gifts to awkward people, smoothing their crunchiness" so they feel encouraged.

Words matter too. In a study measuring skin conductance, Vanessa says, phrases like "I'm sending a virtual high five" or "I wish I could give you a digital hug" triggered a physiological response in listeners. She suggests using warm words such as connection, trust and hug at the start or end of calls.

Danger Zones: Fronting and Your Toes

On video and in person, Vanessa wants you to "front: angle your toes, torso and head toward the other person or camera. Research found that giving an interview angled away makes it harder for people to believe you or open up to you. The worst offense is having the camera off to the side while you type, which Mel says makes her want people to just turn the camera off. Vanessa calls toes secret windows of the soul": she has noticed that people ready to leave a conversation angle their toes toward the exit, and others subconsciously pick up on it.

Warmth and Competence in Email

For email, Vanessa suggests asking how you want someone to think, feel and behave after reading it, then "gifting that behavior through word choice. Warm words like so happy to connect" and "collaborate" make people more likely to be collaborative, while competent words like "blast through this agenda" and "hit our goals" push toward getting things done. The ideal email balances both. She closes by reminding listeners that "you tell the world how it should treat you," and Mel ends by telling listeners they have the it factor too.

Conclusion

Vanessa Van Edwards reframes the it factor as a learnable skill: charisma is simply signaling warmth and competence in balance, and most of us under-signal one or both without realizing it. Her toolkit is refreshingly concrete: show your hands, sit a foot and a half from the camera, drop the uptalk by speaking on the out breath, smile for real or use nods, head tilts and vocalizations instead, face people squarely, and choose warm and competent words in email. Paired with a diagnostic and honest feedback from people who know you, these cues can change how others trust you, rely on you and ultimately treat you.

This is a summary of "The “It” Factor: How to Hack Charisma & Use Body Language to Boost Your Influence, Income, and Impact" from The Mel Robbins Podcast, giving you the GIST so you can decide if you want the REST. Listen to the full episode.