Being yourself means disappointing someone: Bilyeu and Robbins on family guilt
October 13, 2026 · 27 min read
Lisa Bilyeu describes wanting a life her traditional family did not expect, hearing her father say no and deciding for her future self, while Mel Robbins makes disappointing someone the first of her seven truths about being yourself, answers a listener's guilt about moving away from a close family, coaches a law graduate held back from moving by guilt toward her parents, and coaches a new novelist whose mother-in-law disapproves. Together they treat a family's disappointment as a cost of choosing your own life and not as a sign the choice is wrong, which is what people stalled by guilt most need to hear.
The rules, numbers and steps worth keeping in front of you.
- Robbins: someone will always be disappointed by your choices; make sure it is not you.
- Robbins: hold space for their disappointment without letting it change your decision.
- Robbins to Kelsey: guilt means the family ties are close; it does not mean you shouldn't move.
- Robbins: a move isn't forever, and you can always come back home.
- Robbins to Katrina: 99% of the time you have not even asked the person you fear disappointing. Ask them.
- Robbins: if you hold yourself back, own it; do not saddle your parents with the guilt.
- Robbins: people can be disappointed you don't live closer and still support your dreams.
- Bilyeu: work out the other person's frame of reference, but never tell them what theirs is.
- Bilyeu: roll the clock forward and ask what you will have to live with after they are gone.
- Bilyeu: ask what your average Wednesday looks like in each life you are considering.
- Bilyeu: the person who disapproves may be right about the facts; use the valid points to get stronger.
- Robbins: notice whether a choice makes you feel expanded, then let your head plan the when and the how.
- Warning: none of this excuses abuse. Where there is abuse, danger or thoughts of self-harm, a qualified professional's advice matters more than any podcast.
This is the short form. The full insight has every expert's reasoning, their own words and the sources.