Children copy your regulation, not your rules: teaching by example
Parents and experts repeatedly say kids absorb how adults handle stress, conflict and emotion far more than what they are told. Managing your own reactions is the most direct parenting lever you have.
How does Dr. Becky Kennedy define sturdiness? Show answer
The ability to be connected to yourself and to someone else at the same time. She calls it the essence of leadership in a family or a company.
What is a boundary, in Kennedy's definition? Show answer
Something you tell a person you will do, which requires them to do nothing. Asking a child to turn off the TV is a request, not a boundary.
What are the two jobs Kennedy gives parents? Show answer
Setting boundaries, and offering empathy and validation by treating the child's feelings as real.
Why does Kennedy say punishing behavior misses the point? Show answer
Behavior is feelings or urges without the skill to manage them. Punishing it is like teaching a child to swim by punishing them for not swimming.
What does the pilot image mean? Show answer
A parent afraid of a child's outburst is like a pilot who changes an emergency landing because one passenger is furious. The child needs the adult to stay at the controls.
What did Candace Parker's daughter teach her? Show answer
When Parker told her not to cry after a loss, her daughter pointed out that Parker had cried too. Parker saw that example teaches more than words.
What is Mel Robbins's spider web image? Show answer
A family is like a web, so when anyone taps one strand, everyone feels it. What you bring ripples through the whole system.
How does Kennedy say to repair after yelling? Show answer
Regulate yourself first, then apologize briefly, and make clear it is never the child's fault when you yell. Do not add a but.
How does Kennedy define entitlement? Show answer
As the fear of frustration. It grows when adults rescue a child from every frustration.
What happens when a child is left alone after being yelled at? Show answer
Kennedy says the child copes through self-blame or self-doubt, concluding it was all their fault or that it did not happen.
What is Ravi Patel's mantra for conflict with his wife? Show answer
Create a safe space, be on her side, love her. He finds that acting with love brings his emotions into line.