Insight | Confidence follows finished work: why doing comes before believing

Confidence is not a feeling to wait for before you begin. In these conversations it is something you gather as evidence after doing hard things, so waiting to feel ready puts the steps in the wrong order.

Rich Diviney, a former Navy SEAL officer, says each commitment you complete registers as a win, and the wins add up to belief. For him confidence is not swagger but knowing you will figure it out. He builds structure around goals: break them into chunks, celebrate milestones, reward progress rather than perfection, and expose yourself daily to controlled discomfort such as cold water or public speaking.

Rich Roll, who rebuilt his life at 40 through sobriety, plant-based eating and endurance sport, gives two routes: do something you thought you could not do, and serve others selflessly. As he puts it, "Self-esteem comes from esteemable acts." He sees perfectionism as a trap rooted in control, and answers it with imperfect action, self-compassion and the smallest step you can take today.

Dr. Nicole LePera, a psychologist, calls self-belief a muscle. Small promises kept to yourself build self-trust, which grows into belief. She warns that affirmations alone fall flat when the nervous system is in alarm, so she pairs thoughts with regulation such as breathing and lets belief follow lived evidence.

David Goggins, who once weighed more than 300 pounds, says his confidence comes from unseen work done alone, not from praise. He says he has never wanted to do any of the things he has done, and that repetition taught him everything. His first lesson was how to fail properly, without staying in failure too long, and he says confidence must be rebuilt every day.

Andrew Huberman, speaking with Goggins, offers a possible biological basis. A brain region, the anterior mid-cingulate cortex, grows when people do things they do not want to do and shrinks when they stop or start enjoying the task. Effort alone is not the point: "the friction is the critical ingredient."

They agree that action comes first, that small steps matter, and that outside validation does not build confidence. They differ on how to keep going. Diviney uses rewards and cheat days, while Goggins says it is all stick. Roll and LePera favor self-compassion and safety, while Goggins built a harsher inner voice. Each person's starting point may decide which fits. Goggins's intensity also has costs, including lost sleep and strained relationships.

What to do with it: stop waiting to feel ready, keep one small promise to yourself each day, chunk big goals, do one thing daily that you would rather avoid, change it when it gets easy, plan for failure, keep a record of what you have overcome, serve someone, and calm your body before acting when it is in alarm. For panic attacks or trauma, a qualified therapist is worth consulting.