Don't punish the confession: why people tell the truth when it's safe
Secret Service polygraph examiner Brad Beeler says you get the truth by making disclosure feel safe, not by cornering people, the Robbins family's rule is that no one ever gets in trouble for telling the truth, and psychologist Michael Slepian explains how to keep the door open so kids confide their secrets. From interrogation rooms to kitchen tables, reacting harshly to an admission teaches people to hide the next one.
What ended one of Beeler's confessions? Show answer
Right after a suspect made an admission, Beeler let slip a small downward flash of his eyebrows, a flicker of contempt, and the man shut down.
Why does Beeler say a blank face isn't good enough? Show answer
"Neutral codes negative." From tribal instinct, people read an expressionless face as a threat, so he keeps his eyebrows slightly raised.
What does Beeler suggest saying instead of "why"? Show answer
"Help me understand…" Asking "why" puts people on the defensive and brings their identity into play.
How accurately do people identify liars, according to the largest study Beeler knows of? Show answer
About 54 percent of the time, which is essentially a coin flip.
What was the Robbins family's core rule? Show answer
You will never get in trouble for telling the truth, and the parents actually kept that promise.
In the Robbins home, what got punished? Show answer
Lying. When the kids told the truth, their parents explained what was wrong and why but didn't punish them.
What does Sawyer Robbins say grounding does? Show answer
It makes kids retreat and get sneakier. Her friends went straight to the party once the grounding ended.
Why do children start hiding things, according to Slepian? Show answer
They expect that telling their parents will get them in more trouble.
What makes secrets harmful, according to Slepian's research? Show answer
Not the act of hiding them, but living with them alone in your thoughts and ruminating without other people's perspectives.
Where do Beeler and Slepian differ on showing displeasure? Show answer
Beeler wants no visible disapproval at all. Slepian allows natural disappointment but rules out angry outbursts.