Give a big change a year: why the first months mislead
October 13, 2026 · 26 min read
Mel Robbins and her colleagues say to give a big transition a year and that change never feels like you imagined, her son Oakley was unhappy for his first 18 months of college until he stopped comparing the new to the old, and Mel felt depressed, lonely and sure she had made a mistake after moving to a tiny town and a year later compared her life there to adult summer camp. Misery early in a move, a new school or another upheaval says little about how the change will turn out, which helps people stay with it long enough to find out.
The rules, numbers and steps worth keeping in front of you.
- Lynn's rule: if you spent a year choosing it, give it your all for a year before judging.
- Mel Robbins: it feels wrong because it is new, so don't expect it to be exciting.
- Mel: your body needs time to process a new environment, rhythm, people and commute.
- Mel: comparison amplifies judgment, isolates you and inflates a fantasy of the old life.
- Close the exits: stop spending weekends back in the old place, as Oakley did going home and Mel did driving to Boston.
- Amy: with an open exit, you keep looking back for permission to quit.
- Mel: it is unfair to criticize where you are if you don't give it 100%.
- Oakley: if you want it to be great, that's on you.
- Oakley's turn: say yes to everything, and expect the first couple of meetups to be awkward.
- When overwhelmed, Mel says to ask what you can do in the next hour.
- Mel: sit in the same coffee shop several mornings a week and tell people you are new.
- Mel's leaving test: stopped comparing, expansive energy, all in for about a year, changed yourself.
- If you pass that test and the situation has not changed, leave without regret.
- If low mood, panic or loneliness is severe or does not lift, see a doctor or mental health professional.
This is the short form. The full insight has every expert's reasoning, their own words and the sources.