Meaning in loss: how grief becomes a spiritual turning point
Tal Wilkenfeld grieving Jeff Beck and Leonard Cohen, Omar Suleiman on grief in the diaspora, Oprah's idea that what happens to you also happens for you, and Arthur Brooks on suffering together all treat loss as a place where meaning can grow. It offers readers a gentler way to hold grief.
What did Tal Wilkenfeld do after Prince and Leonard Cohen died? Show answer
She stopped playing, put her belongings in storage and lived with no obligations so she could fully connect with her grief, among comedians at the Comedy Store.
Why was Jeff Beck's death easier for Wilkenfeld to carry? Show answer
She had already grieved fully in 2016 and 2017, so she knew the process. She misses him but no longer feels a piece of her is missing.
What distinction does Wilkenfeld draw about loving people? Show answer
Giving a piece of yourself to someone, which can be lost, versus opening yourself, which she calls a loving experience with nothing to lose.
What makes grief from far away especially painful, according to Omar Suleiman? Show answer
You can't help the people suffering, and people around you may justify the killing. He responds by trying to be a voice for the voiceless.
Where does Suleiman find meaning in loss? Show answer
In faith in God and the afterlife, in witness and justice, and in the resilience of others. He does not say the losses happened for a reason.
What does Oprah Winfrey mean by saying things happen for you? Show answer
Not that the pain was deserved or should have happened, but that finding a reason to move forward keeps you from getting stuck.
How does Oprah define forgiveness? Show answer
As giving up the hope that the past could be any different. She links it to acceptance, the last of the five stages of grief.
What is the lesson Oprah took from T.D. Jakes? Show answer
You can't get ten gallons of love from pint-size people who cannot carry it. It let her accept her mother as she was.
What does compassion literally mean, according to Arthur Brooks? Show answer
To suffer together. He says suffering alongside someone bonds people, as in marriage or among those who go through hardship as a unit.
How does Brooks see grief in a happy life? Show answer
As part of it. Happiness contains suffering, negative emotions are signals the brain is working, and you shouldn't want peace all the time.
Where do the four disagree most sharply? Show answer
On whether pain happens for you. Oprah says it of her own past; Mel Robbins objects; Suleiman never frames ongoing, preventable loss that way.
What does Brooks say about the order of practice, belief and feeling? Show answer
Start with practice. Occasionally you will believe, and very occasionally you will feel it.