Real boundaries are about your actions, not controlling your child
Across parenting and family-dynamics conversations, experts define a boundary as what you will do, not a demand that someone else change. This shift ends power struggles and over-explaining, and it keeps parents regulated when kids or relatives push back.
How does Dr. Becky Kennedy define a boundary? Show answer
As something you tell people you will do, which requires the other person to do nothing.
What is the difference between a request and a boundary? Show answer
A request depends on the other person complying. A boundary depends only on your own action, so its success is not in someone else's hands.
What is Kennedy's boundary for a child who keeps watching TV? Show answer
Saying that if it is not off by the time she gets over there, she will take the remote and turn it off, then doing so.
What are the two jobs in Kennedy's parenting job description? Show answer
Boundaries, which represent the parent's values and keep children safe, and empathy and validation of the child's feelings.
What should a parent do after holding a boundary, according to Kennedy? Show answer
Validate the child's feeling, such as naming that they really wanted another show, and let them feel it.
What two questions does Kennedy say children are always asking? Show answer
Whether they are real and whether they are safe. Validation answers the first and boundaries answer the second.
What does Kennedy mean by not guilt? Show answer
Absorbing other people's emotions at the expense of your own needs, as opposed to real guilt from acting out of line with your values.
What are the two halves of Mel Robbins's Let Them Theory? Show answer
Let them means stepping back from other people's behavior, opinions and moods. Let me means focusing on what you say, do and bring.
What exception does Robbins make to not managing other people's emotions? Show answer
Children. A parent or step-parent is responsible for helping a child feel seen, heard, safe and supported.
How does Dr. Ramani Durvasula say to set boundaries with narcissists? Show answer
Internally, not verbally: limit your exposure, silently avoid triggering topics, and leave or disengage instead of confronting.
How can a parent tell teenage behavior from real narcissism, in Durvasula's view? Show answer
Look at how the teen treats peers, not just parents. Being toxic with everyone, including friends, teachers and siblings, may point to real narcissism.
Where do the three experts differ? Show answer
On announcing the boundary. Kennedy and Robbins say it out loud, while Durvasula says stating it to a narcissist invites chaos.