Resilience is not bouncing back: a cardiologist, psychiatrist and therapists redefine it
Cardiologist Tara Narula says resilience is adapting to change and not returning to who you were, child psychiatrist Victor Carrión warns that children are not simply resilient, Becky Kennedy argues for building resilience over happiness, therapist Kier Gaines ties it to self-honesty, Kelly McGonigal links it to plasticity after trauma, and Peter Attia describes widening the band of what you can tolerate. Treating resilience as a capacity that is built, and not a trait people snap back with, changes what adults expect of themselves and of children after hard events.
What common picture of resilience do most of these experts reject? Show answer
The rubber band image of snapping back to where you started. They describe people who are changed by hardship and keep going.
How does Tara Narula define resilience? Show answer
As the ability to retain wonder, joy, excitement and engagement in life despite what happens, not the capacity to return to the same place.
What does Narula say about how most people respond to trauma? Show answer
Only a small fraction develop PTSD. Most do not break, and resilience can be strengthened with practice like a muscle.
Why does Victor Carrión object to saying children are resilient? Show answer
Children are more vulnerable than adults. They can become resilient, but only when adults help them and give them tools.
Why do small children freeze in the face of danger, according to Carrión? Show answer
They cannot fight and, being dependent, cannot flee. Freezing and pretending it is not happening is the only defense left to them.
Does Carrión want children protected from all stress? Show answer
No. He says stress follows an inverted curve, and some early stress builds problem-solving. He worries about overprotection.
How does Becky Kennedy define resilience? Show answer
As the ability to tolerate hard things. She stresses tolerating, since getting through happens when it happens.
Why does Kennedy say making a child happy can backfire? Show answer
Rushing to remove a hard feeling teaches the child that the feeling is dangerous, which sets up anxiety later in life.
What does Kier Gaines mean by bouncing back? Show answer
Continuing to move forward while things are still hard, like a runner who keeps his feet moving when hit. In depression he says to shrink expectations.
What does Kelly McGonigal say about trauma and change? Show answer
She will not call trauma good, but says people remain able to be changed by experience, and those hurt most can also benefit most from positive experiences.
What two things does Peter Attia say block recovery from trauma fastest? Show answer
Comparing yourself to others and minimizing your own pain.
When do resilience practices need professional care alongside them? Show answer
When mood has been low for weeks, a child's behavior has changed after a frightening event, or there are thoughts of self-harm.