Staying together for the kids? Divorce experts on what children actually need
A divorce attorney and family experts question the idea that staying in a broken marriage protects children, and focus on how parents handle separation and co-parenting instead. Parents weighing divorce get a clearer sense that conflict and instability, not the split itself, are the main risks.
Why does James Sexton say staying together does not shield children? Show answer
Because children are in the marriage with you. They watch everything and remember what the marriage looked like, not whether their parents stayed.
What is Sexton's smoking story meant to show? Show answer
His father warned him not to smoke while smoking, and he started anyway. Children learn from what they watch, not from what they are told.
What is Sexton's wedding-day test? Show answer
Ask whether you would want your children to have your marriage. If your child's marriage looked like yours, would you be happy on their wedding day?
Does Sexton say divorce protects children? Show answer
No. He says high conflict harms children whether parents stay together or divorce badly. What matters is how you approach it.
What are Sexton's five situations where divorce is necessary? Show answer
Abuse, a spouse living as a false self, a spouse who authored your life without consent, an unrepentant repeat offender, and a marriage that requires you to shrink.
How does Sexton describe what divorce does to a family with children? Show answer
It ends the marriage but not the family. You are restructuring something you will co-own for the rest of your life.
What does Mel Robbins say children feel after a divorce? Show answer
Grief for the life they wanted, even when they agree their parents are better apart. It takes years and resurfaces at family events.
What is Robbins's advice to a divorced parent? Show answer
Triple down on making the children a priority, give them room to grieve, and spend time with them without the new partner.
What does Dr. Ramani Durvasula advise when co-parenting with a narcissistic ex? Show answer
Do not fight battles you cannot win, get the children mental health services early, lock down legal stipulations, and act indifferent to provocation.
What should you not do when telling your family about a divorce, according to Sexton? Show answer
Do not tell the children first, and do not confide in them. Tell your spouse plainly and keep the children away for the first 48 hours.
What kind of evidence supports these views? Show answer
Professional and personal experience. None of the sources cites studies on children of divorce.