Watch the first year: early behavior shows who someone really is
Forensic psychologist Leanne ten Brinke describes early warning signs and how to tell a bad week from a dark personality. Mediator Bill Eddy gives a first-year rule for spotting high-conflict people, Chris Voss explains how to spot bad counterparts early, Evy Poumpouras warns against ignoring what behavior tells you, and Ramani Durvasula uses a 12-month cleanse to rebuild discernment. Giving trust slowly and watching patterns over time protects people from entanglements that are much harder to leave later.
How does Leanne ten Brinke define personality? Show answer
As a consistent way of thinking, feeling and behaving, which is why traits tend to show up even in brief early encounters.
What did untrained viewers react to in the short clips of men high in psychopathy? Show answer
The men were saying hostile things while smiling broadly, a mismatch that viewers naturally found weird.
What happened to the most narcissistic students in Delroy Paulhus's project-group study? Show answer
They were first rated agreeable, well adjusted and competent, but by week seven were seen as arrogant, hostile braggarts.
According to ten Brinke, how do you tell a dark personality from someone having a bad week? Show answer
Time and a wider view. Dark traits are consistent across time and context, while a stress-driven lapse is a deviation from the person's normal pattern.
What is Bill Eddy's first-year rule? Show answer
No engagement, marriage or children in the first year, because high-conflict behavior mostly comes out in close relationships after the glow fades.
What does Eddy's WEB method stand for? Show answer
Words (blaming, all-or-nothing language), Emotions (your own gut reaction), and Behavior (things 90% of people would never do).
How quickly does Chris Voss's team expect bad-client behavior to show up? Show answer
Within about 20 minutes, which is why they built high risk indicators to spot and walk away from bad counterparts early.
Why did Voss's team want to walk away from difficult clients sooner? Show answer
Difficult clients took up to five times as long to close, effectively an 80% pay cut, and rarely came back.
What does Evy Poumpouras see as the biggest obstacle to reading people? Show answer
Not wanting to see the truth. People's behavior keeps revealing who they are, but we explain it away.
What is Ramani Durvasula's 12-month cleanse? Show answer
After a narcissistic relationship, a year of no dating, sex, online dating or flirty texting (or the relationship's length if shorter), to rebuild your sense of self and discernment.
What is Durvasula's Ick list for? Show answer
Writing down every hurtful thing the person did, to counter euphoric recall, the habit of cherry-picking good memories.
What does Eddy advise in some high-conflict domestic violence situations? Show answer
Move to safety with your children and lawyer before announcing the divorce, because separation can be dangerous with certain people.