When one partner grows and the other doesn't
Mel and Chris Robbins field the question of growing apart, Joe Dispenza asks what happens when one partner evolves, and Esther Perel says most people have several marriages, sometimes with the same person. Treating change as a normal phase of a long relationship, and renegotiating it together, keeps growth from becoming a breakup.
What do all three sources agree on when one partner grows and the other does not? Show answer
You cannot force the other person to change, and your own growth is the best influence you have.
Why does Mel Robbins say pressure fails? Show answer
People change only when they feel like it, so pressure produces resistance to change.
What does Robbins advise doing first? Show answer
Stop watching your partner and invest in the actions that make you a better and happier person.
What does Robbins's story about wine show? Show answer
A partner's growth can feel threatening, and support can quietly turn into undermining.
What are the steps in Robbins's recipe for the conversation? Show answer
Talk honestly about how it affects you, affirm love and acceptance, apologize for pressure, ask for support, then back off.
What did Chris Robbins say to the partner who feels left behind? Show answer
There is always a good time to start, whatever your partner has or has not done.
How does Robbins test whether the gap is a deal breaker? Show answer
Ask whether you could keep choosing the person if they never changed, and stop complaining about it.
What is Joe Dispenza's position on working on a relationship? Show answer
He says he would not. Become whole, be the example, and let a partner go if they pull away.
What does Esther Perel mean by several marriages with the same person? Show answer
Over a long life the relationship must be reinvented as each person changes, sometimes more than once.
What is Perel's intimacy dilemma? Show answer
How to get close to a partner without losing yourself, and hold on to yourself without losing them.
What does Perel offer in place of reactivity? Show answer
Curiosity, an active interest in what you do not yet understand about your partner and yourself.
What is the main disagreement among the sources? Show answer
Whether to work on the relationship together or only on yourself. Dispenza says only yourself.