Busyness as avoidance: when overworking hides something you'd rather not feel
September 27, 2026 · 18 min read
Several clinicians, including Scott Lyons, Gabor Maté and Pooja Lakshmin, alongside Jonathan Fields, describe chronic busyness and people-pleasing as a way to avoid discomfort, and burnout as the price of it. Seeing it this way changes the fix: a pause and better boundaries help more than time management.
The rules, numbers and steps worth keeping in front of you.
- Lyons: busyness is often an avoidance strategy that keeps you away from pain, vulnerability or unprocessed emotions.
- Lyons: when the urge to distract yourself hits, ask "What am I running from right now?" Then remind yourself: "That was then. This is now."
- Daily practice: sit for two to five minutes with no phone or input and notice what comes up. Wait in line without your phone.
- Maté's weekly questions: where is it hard to say no, what does it cost you, what belief is behind it, how did you learn it, and who would you be without it?
- Maté's sixth question: where are you not saying yes, to rest, play and creativity?
- Maté on addiction: ask what need the behavior serves, validate that need and meet it harmlessly. Ask why the pain, not why the addiction.
- Maté: you can never heal while you're punishing yourself.
- Lakshmin: the pause between stimulus and response is the boundary. It leaves room for yes, no or negotiate.
- Lakshmin's signs of giving too much: constant irritability, expecting gratitude and fantasizing about escape.
- Lakshmin on guilt: treat it like a sushi plate on a conveyor belt and let it pass. It gets quieter with practice.
- Lakshmin: review your calendar weekly for about 20 minutes and note dread, resentment or joy. Start boundaries somewhere smaller than family.
- Fields: eliminate before you optimize, and block "keep free" time. Howes: schedule free time on purpose, or email and social media will fill it.
- Warning: see a doctor about physical symptoms. Fields urges professional help for mental illness or serious emotional struggle.
This is the short form. The full insight has every expert's reasoning, their own words and the sources.