Forget the spark: choose partners on shared values and character
Dating experts, an evolutionary psychologist and an investor all say lasting partnerships rest on values, kindness and a slow-building connection more than instant chemistry. People who chase the spark may reject good matches and fall for incompatible ones.
What three problems does Logan Ury see with the spark? Show answer
It is often just attraction to emotionally unavailable people, some people feel it with everyone, and it does not predict long-term compatibility.
What three questions does Ury suggest asking about how someone makes you feel? Show answer
Do you feel calm, accepted and safe? If the answer is yes, you may be building something real.
How does Ury distinguish a deal breaker from a pet peeve? Show answer
A deal breaker is a core incompatibility, such as different values or life goals. A pet peeve is an annoying trait like messy hair or a texting style, and it isn't worth rejecting someone over.
According to Mel Robbins, what is the first sign you've found "the one"? Show answer
Peace. Your nervous system calms and you aren't bracing or overthinking, instead of feeling constant butterflies, intensity or drama.
Which value mismatches does Robbins say signal fundamental incompatibility? Show answer
Wanting different things around kids, lifestyle, how to spend money or how to resolve conflict.
Which long-term partner qualities did David Buss find both sexes want across 37 cultures? Show answer
Intelligence, kindness, mutual attraction and love, good health, dependability and emotional stability.
How long does the infatuation phase last, according to Buss? Show answer
Perhaps six weeks to six months, before an attachment phase follows.
Why does Buss suggest traveling together before committing? Show answer
Emotional stability shows in how quickly someone returns to baseline after stress, and an unfamiliar place lets you observe that.
Why does Buss warn that charm can mislead? Show answer
People high in dark triad traits (narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy) tend to be charming sexual deceivers.
What does Kevin O’Leary say to ask by the third or fourth date? Show answer
Whether they want kids, whether they are in debt, what their credit card balance is, and how they manage money.
How does Pastor Michael Todd distinguish honesty from transparency? Show answer
Honesty means telling the truth if asked. Transparency means offering the truth freely, even when it's uncomfortable.
What are Todd's three anchors for a healthy relationship? Show answer
Transparency, common faith, and fun.