Meaning makes suffering bearable

You often cannot escape suffering, but you can change your relationship to it, and finding a meaning or a task inside the pain is what makes it bearable and lets you grow. A Holocaust survivor, a Buddhist nun, a Jungian analyst, a clinical psychologist and a motivational coach reach that conclusion by very different roads. None of them says suffering is good, and none recommends skipping the pain.

Edith Eger was 16 when she was sent to Auschwitz. She survived mentally by guarding an inner spirit her captors could not reach. Her philosophy rests on one distinction: "I was victimized, but I am not a victim". She does not use meaning to bypass feeling. She tells people to rage, cry or write an anger letter, because unexpressed emotion is what makes us sick. Her own purpose came slowly, through decades of inner work and helping others heal.

Pema Chödrön approaches suffering from Tibetan Buddhism. Pain and loss are not interruptions to life; they are life. Trying to avoid suffering through distraction, control or denial only deepens it. Her central practice is to stay with the emotion, observe it without judgment and breathe into it. She does not promise to eliminate suffering.

James Hollis, a Jungian analyst, gives the fullest account. Work that is meaningful supports us even through suffering and sacrifice, and work without meaning leads to burnout and depression. In his 30s, having achieved what he wanted, he fell into a serious depression. He came to see that asking how quickly he could get rid of it was the wrong question. The real question was what task lay at the bottom. A core message of his therapy is "you're not what happened to you". He is careful to say that depression comes in different kinds, and not every one is a summons.

Jordan Peterson argues the most worthwhile life means taking on responsibility and burden. He describes three years of severe illness that left him grateful for ordinary life, and credits family and friends with carrying him.

Mel Robbins offers the most practical version. Say aloud that life is not fair, give grief a time frame, accept what happened, and make one small plan. Then, drawing on Viktor Frankl, treat meaning as a choice about how you respond.

They agree that escape makes it worse, that your inner response is the part you control, and that meaning often means service. They differ in emphasis. Robbins, Hollis and Peterson look for purpose and tasks, while Chödrön asks only that you stop fighting the pain. Most of the evidence is experience, not experiment.

What to do with it: name what happened. Let the feelings out. Stay with a feeling instead of escaping it. Ask what the suffering is asking of you. Separate what happened from who you are. Ask who you might help because of what you have been through. Lean on people. Searching for meaning is not a substitute for treatment. If you are struggling to function, or thinking about harming yourself, talk to a doctor or mental health professional.