Talk to your aging parents now: caregiving, money and end-of-life wishes
MIT AgeLab's Joseph Coughlin calls caregiving the conversation nobody is having and names health, money and the car keys as the topics to raise, death doula Alua Arthur explains how to open the conversation about dying with parents, Ravi Patel looks at how other cultures care for aging parents, and Vivian Tu addresses the sandwich generation paying for parents and children at once. They agree the talk is far easier before a crisis, and that avoiding it leaves families guessing at the worst moment.
What gap does Joseph Coughlin describe in family caregiving? Show answer
Seventy percent of people believe a partner or adult child will care for them, but only 30 percent have had the conversation.
What are Coughlin's four words for the family talk? Show answer
Who gives care and decides, where care happens, what matters most to the person, and how it is paid for.
What three things do caregivers say are hardest? Show answer
Health, money and transportation, which Coughlin calls the sleeping giant.
How should a family decide about taking away the car keys? Show answer
By health and a pattern of problems, not age or one incident, and after working out who will provide rides.
Why should more than one family member know a parent's finances? Show answer
Coughlin warns that fraud and exploitation are more likely to come from someone close than from a stranger.
Who usually ends up as the primary caregiver? Show answer
A spouse and then the oldest adult daughter, often at a cost to her health, job and own retirement.
Who does Alua Arthur say usually avoids talking about death? Show answer
The children. In her experience older people do want to talk, and children turn away from the opening.
What does a parent asking what you want from the house mean, per Arthur? Show answer
It is the real conversation. Practical matters and objects lead into the deeper emotional ones.
What practical end-of-life questions does Arthur suggest? Show answer
Who should make decisions for them, what they think about life support, and what they want done with their body.
Why does Vivian Tu say to ask about parents' retirement money now? Show answer
Finding out early leaves time to raise contributions, use catch-up savings or consider a smaller home.
What does Ravi Patel admire in the families he grew up among? Show answer
They are expected to stay together and care for each other, and they fight but stick together.
When might this advice not apply? Show answer
Where a relationship is unsafe or there has been real harm, an adult child's first duty may be to themselves.